I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
