I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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