call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
