when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
