Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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