Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
