i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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