can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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