Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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