mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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