dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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