good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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