i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
