You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
