and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
