I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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