Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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