she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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