I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
