Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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