dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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