I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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