You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
