i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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