Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
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I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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