he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
