so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
