sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
