My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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