apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
