how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
