I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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