He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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