When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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