Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
