yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
