the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
