I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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