How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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