hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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