I want to have your abortion
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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