hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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