my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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