I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
