I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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