Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
