sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
