I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
