You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
