still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
