Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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