Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
