dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
