i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you had me at cake vodka
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
