Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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