You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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