That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My bed smells like the plague
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
