The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
