Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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