All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
