Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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