I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
