The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
