i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
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The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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