My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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