It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
